musings
I’ve been struggling with weight fluctuations for the past few months owing to clerkship pretty much taking over my life. I have no complaints, I’m learning so much both about myself and the art of medicine. Entering 4th year, I knew it was going to be more difficult to sustain the lifestyle that I committed myself into, and to be honest, it’s one of the aspects of my life that has taken a huge blow in terms of priority. It isn’t something that I had intended but it’s what happened anyway. And of course it has its own consequences – these days, I feel and am actually much heavier, and sluggish. And there are certain exercises that I do now with more difficulty. But you see, there’s really no point in crying over spilled milk. So rather than sulk, I intend to simply bounce back. I refuse to be just a victim of circumstance any longer, so I am reclaiming that part of me that I unwillingly lost.
And what better way to start it than with a reminder. So here’s something from April 2015, around the time that I started my fitness journey.
I’ve obviously come a long way from there. (For starters, I’m a little less insecure and am doing this for reasons that are much bigger than getting a boy to notice me – ew!) I guess this post was meant to be a testament of my commitment; an acknowledgement that even with the best intentions, I still may fail at times, and that I intend to stand back up and pick up right where I left off.
To be honest, I would much rather do this quietly, however, I decided to write this as a way of staying accountable. I am opening myself up to whoever finds him- or herself in this little corner of the internet so that I can have somebody to answer to each time I decide to stray away from my path.
Reclaiming myself
I’ve been struggling with weight fluctuations for the past few months owing to clerkship pretty much taking over my life. I have no complaints, I’m learning so much both about myself and the art of medicine. Entering 4th year, I knew it was going to be more difficult to sustain the lifestyle that I committed myself into, and to be honest, it’s one of the aspects of my life that has taken a huge blow in terms of priority. It isn’t something that I had intended but it’s what happened anyway. And of course it has its own consequences – these days, I feel and am actually much heavier, and sluggish. And there are certain exercises that I do now with more difficulty. But you see, there’s really no point in crying over spilled milk. So rather than sulk, I intend to simply bounce back. I refuse to be just a victim of circumstance any longer, so I am reclaiming that part of me that I unwillingly lost.And what better way to start it than with a reminder. So here’s something from April 2015, around the time that I started my fitness journey.
A little background on me:
(1) I got stuck in the middle of an academic calendar shift so now, I have in front of me a good four months, more or less, of summer vacation. But the thing is, financially, I sort of belong in the less desirable half of the scale so unlike most people I know, my summer isn’t going to be filled with dreamy getaways. Instead, I’m probably going to be stuck at home, and if I were to succumb to my own temptations, I’d be doing absolutely nothing.
(2) I am FAT. As in, I get incredibly disappointed just by looking at myself in the mirror and seeing just how far I’ve let myself go. Not that I was ever fit in any period of my life. But, well, right now, I’m just feeling like I’m the absolute worst version of myself. And honestly, I’m quite fed up. I know I have the capacity to make some changes. I did have some attempts in the past but quit because I decided to listen to self-doubt instead of hope – meaning, I made a lot of excuses and soon enough, I started believing them to be true.
So you see, what lies in front of me really is an opportunity to take a 180-degree turn. I want to get fit. I want to be able to live my life with the added pleasure of knowing that I’m healthy. I want to be able to fit in the clothes I like, to look good in pictures, and maybe – just maybe – have someone look at me and not change his mind. I want to be confident no matter what clothes I wear. I want to be able to look in the mirror someday and not be sad and wish I was somebody else. Really, I want to feel good.
Hence, this blog. Where I will be telling whoever is out there who cares and is willing to listen to me talk about my journey towards where I want to be. It’s a bumpy road, I’m sure, but hey, don’t ever let it be said that I backed down from the challenge. Besides, nothing genuinely good ever comes easy.
I’ve obviously come a long way from there. (For starters, I’m a little less insecure and am doing this for reasons that are much bigger than getting a boy to notice me – ew!) I guess this post was meant to be a testament of my commitment; an acknowledgement that even with the best intentions, I still may fail at times, and that I intend to stand back up and pick up right where I left off.
To be honest, I would much rather do this quietly, however, I decided to write this as a way of staying accountable. I am opening myself up to whoever finds him- or herself in this little corner of the internet so that I can have somebody to answer to each time I decide to stray away from my path.
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