Competing against gods

As annoying as ads get, you have to hand it to google's algorithms because the ones that I do get to encounter are things that I'm actually quite interested in.

I admit I have moments where I transform into a mindless impulsive buyer but I like to think that with this one, it definitely isn't the case. I did a few of the free workouts and honestly enjoyed them thoroughly that I was convinced I had to get the full version and actually commit to the program. So yes, I bought a three-month subscription. And for the sake of honesty, yes, I am currently doing the program. I know it's challenging considering my almost impossible clerkship schedule but for the longest time, I've been using that as an excuse to binge and to be lazy and now I've just about had it.

So here's to commitment. And here's to getting stronger.

Starting Point
  • Weight: 56 kg
  • Bust: 35 in
  • Waist: 31 in
  • Hips: 36 in
  • L. Arm: 12 in
  • R. Arm: 12 in
  • L. Thigh: 22 in
  • R. Thigh: 22 in
  • Neck:
I feel like the title sounds so arrogant, which is far from my intention. So as much as it pains me to have to explain myself because I really do believe I don't owe anybody that, to clarify, Freeletics workouts are named after gods. There. And for what it's worth, I think it's pretty cool.

Headspace

I decided to get back to doing yoga. There was a time when I did it consistently and take my word for, it felt really good to be nimble and have good posture, among other things. But as it happens, life got in the way and maybe I wasn't prepared to adjust to it accordingly, so I had to give up a few things to give way to ~more important~ ones. This is not to say that I'm done with those. To be honest, I don't think I'll ever have as much free time as I did a few years back, but that's growing up and adulting to you.

I've been relying on iPhone apps these days to get me to clock in a workout. (I'm going to talk about that soon, I promise!) It's been great, actually, so much so that I thought why not do the same thing with yoga. Because as I implied, my flexibility hasn't been the best recently so that needs to be fixed. Plus, I'm trying to get back to living a healthier lifestyle and I intend to be holistic in my approach, hence yoga. Don't get me wrong, I'm not in it for any spirituality and chakra alignment purposes (because I really don't buy it, but to each his/her own), but I acknowledge the fact that yoga relaxes me. It affords me a few minutes of headspace that I don't get by just taking a pause and breathing deeply. And god knows that with everything that has happened lately, I am in dire need of a clear head.

Reclaiming myself

I’ve been struggling with weight fluctuations for the past few months owing to clerkship pretty much taking over my life. I have no complaints, I’m learning so much both about myself and the art of medicine. Entering 4th year, I knew it was going to be more difficult to sustain the lifestyle that I committed myself into, and to be honest, it’s one of the aspects of my life that has taken a huge blow in terms of priority. It isn’t something that I had intended but it’s what happened anyway. And of course it has its own consequences – these days, I feel and am actually much heavier, and sluggish. And there are certain exercises that I do now with more difficulty. But you see, there’s really no point in crying over spilled milk. So rather than sulk, I intend to simply bounce back. I refuse to be just a victim of circumstance any longer, so I am reclaiming that part of me that I unwillingly lost.

And what better way to start it than with a reminder. So here’s something from April 2015, around the time that I started my fitness journey.

A little background on me:

(1) I got stuck in the middle of an academic calendar shift so now, I have in front of me a good four months, more or less, of summer vacation. But the thing is, financially, I sort of belong in the less desirable half of the scale so unlike most people I know, my summer isn’t going to be filled with dreamy getaways. Instead, I’m probably going to be stuck at home, and if I were to succumb to my own temptations, I’d be doing absolutely nothing.

(2) I am FAT. As in, I get incredibly disappointed just by looking at myself in the mirror and seeing just how far I’ve let myself go. Not that I was ever fit in any period of my life. But, well, right now, I’m just feeling like I’m the absolute worst version of myself. And honestly, I’m quite fed up. I know I have the capacity to make some changes. I did have some attempts in the past but quit because I decided to listen to self-doubt instead of hope – meaning, I made a lot of excuses and soon enough, I started believing them to be true.

So you see, what lies in front of me really is an opportunity to take a 180-degree turn. I want to get fit. I want to be able to live my life with the added pleasure of knowing that I’m healthy. I want to be able to fit in the clothes I like, to look good in pictures, and maybe – just maybe – have someone look at me and not change his mind. I want to be confident no matter what clothes I wear. I want to be able to look in the mirror someday and not be sad and wish I was somebody else. Really, I want to feel good.

Hence, this blog. Where I will be telling whoever is out there who cares and is willing to listen to me talk about my journey towards where I want to be. It’s a bumpy road, I’m sure, but hey, don’t ever let it be said that I backed down from the challenge. Besides, nothing genuinely good ever comes easy. 

I’ve obviously come a long way from there. (For starters, I’m a little less insecure and am doing this for reasons that are much bigger than getting a boy to notice me – ew!) I guess this post was meant to be a testament of my commitment; an acknowledgement that even with the best intentions, I still may fail at times, and that I intend to stand back up and pick up right where I left off.

To be honest, I would much rather do this quietly, however, I decided to write this as a way of staying accountable. I am opening myself up to whoever finds him- or herself in this little corner of the internet so that I can have somebody to answer to each time I decide to stray away from my path.
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